loneliness
noun
- Sadness because one has no friends or company.
- Feeling sad and unhappy about being socially isolated.
- A state of solitude or being alone
- (of a place) the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation.
Loneliness is a GLOBAL EPIDEMIC. And at the age of 36, I’ve never felt more lonely and isolated in my entire life. I have recently moved house to Eagle Point in East Gippsland, Victoria and it’s been a very difficult period of adjustment for me. From an outsider’s perspective, many people would probably LOVE to be living out here in the country and feel blessed to be in my position. And I get it. But unfortunately, it’s not that simple for me.
There has been significant upheaval and major changes in my life over the past 3-5 years that have contributed to the reasons behind why I feel lonely. Some of these include changing medications (SSRI’s SNRI’s, anti-psychotics etc), resigning from two part time jobs (Bunnings and Woolworths) due to mental health issues (among other things), selling our family home in Narre Warren South, moving out to a rental property in Sale, having surgery done to remove a left adrenal tumour and then moving into a new house in Eagle Point.
When it comes to why loneliness is so common, I think social media plays a huge part in this. I’ve said this several times before but the irony of social media is that it tends to make people feel more disconnected through social comparison E.g. how many “followers” or “friends” we have, how many likes/reacts we get on each post, the content of the posts (weddings, social gatherings, becoming first home owners etc).
And yet social media platforms are extremely addictive. It can become hard to reconnect from our smartphones, laptops, tablets etc and end up mindlessly scrolling through news feeds and wanting to see more and more notifications popping up. Ironically, this becomes very draining and mentally exhausting to “keep up” with what’s happening on social media.
The recent COVID-19 pandemic (2020-22) has also negatively (mostly) shaped and changed me as a person. The relentless COVID updates on the news, lockdowns, harsh restrictions and rules to keep us all “safe” has in fact damaged us psychologically. I was brought to breaking down several times during the pandemic, losing my sanity and will to live, having suicidal thoughts, feeling trapped in my own house, feeling as though leaving the house was “unsafe”, having irrational fears about getting infected with coronavirus by getting too close to people, feeling like this pandemic is never going to end.
Overall, I feel as though I’m still recovering from the aftermath of the pandemic and have come out as a worse human being. I’m still rebuilding myself and living my life day to day, one day at a time. I have developed many coping strategies to deal with my loneliness such as mindfulness, guided meditation, positive affirmations, self love exercises, anti-depressant medication, painting by numbers, craft projects, adult colouring, deep breathing exercises, walking around and being in nature, joining and participating in social groups, talking to a friend or family member, having therapy session(s) with a counsellor/psychologist/psychiatrist/GP/Support Worker, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), listening to music, playing games on my phone, watching YouTube videos, reading and doing puzzles.
But not even this extensive list can be enough to silence the loneliness I feel sometimes. Let’s be real: IT’S A FUCKING SHIT FEELING! It really is. I know that all of the conditions I have including chronic depression, social anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder, sleep maintenance insomnia, fatigue and high functioning autism makes it very hard to simply “not be” lonely. I’m sure if we could flick a switch and instantly “not be lonely”, then everyone would do that.
The solution(s) is very obvious but it’s also not that simple. It’s about being able to love yourself, embrace your own company, accepting all of your strengths and flaws, not needing a companion. Being comfortable about having YOURSELF as a companion. Be HONEST with yourself. FORGIVE yourself. Accept that YOU’RE HUMAN and that IT’S OKAY. Reminding yourself that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Helpful Resources and References:
https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/australias-welfare/social-isolation-and-loneliness-covid-pandemic
https://psychology.org.au/for-the-public/psychology-topics/loneliness
https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/information-and-support/loneliness-and-isolation/
https://www.headspace.com/stress/how-to-deal-with-loneliness
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-loneliness-3144939
https://www.cigna.com/knowledge-center/how-to-deal-with-loneliness
https://au.reachout.com/challenges-and-coping/isolation-and-loneliness
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