On Tuesday morning, I had an appointment to see Sleep & Respiratory Physician Dr. Sameer Kaul at Wattletree Specialist Consulting Suites in Frankston. Considering how little I knew from information there was about Dr. Kaul online, I really didn’t know what to expect from him today. I brought along a pile of medical evidence including my referral, letter from my neuro-psychologist, blood test results, mental healthcare plan and autism assessment report. And yet I still felt nervous and ill prepared for this morning’s consultation. https://www.healthshare.com.au/profile/professional/149074-dr-sameer-kaul/
I found Dr. Kaul to be very blunt, harsh and condescending one minute then carefree and casual the next. I really couldn’t adjust to his personality at all. Even in my zombified state, I did the best I could to answer his questions, though I could tell I wasn’t really explaining myself too well. “What are you worrying about? What’s keeping you awake at night?” I didn’t have specific answers for him. Work, money, lack of close friends, self esteem and self confidence issues, frustration, anxiety, sore joints and muscles. But these vague responses didn’t seem good enough for him.
When it came to describing my bed routine, it felt like he was putting me down. Sure it’s not exactly helping that I watch YouTube videos and use social media before my head hits the pillow. However, I do manage to keep the bedroom dark, dimly lit and cool with the ceiling fan switched on plus I play relaxation music to help me drift off to sleep. I also enjoy reading in bed occasionally, currently The Outsider by Stephen King. Dr. Kaul asserted that it was a terrible idea. He also implied that my sleep hygiene was shit.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to bring everything I wanted to up as I felt silenced and withdrawn by him. He was correct in saying that I do need to be more consistent about my sleep routine but he just made me feel inferior and dumb the way he was criticizing me. Perhaps I was being too sensitive about the things he was saying to me. I’m sure he had good intentions for me but ultimately I felt misunderstood by him. He wasn’t taking me 100% seriously and that bothered me a lot because I was the one who took action to make this appointment happen.
The one silver lining that I took away was that fact that he did give me a referral for an In-Lab Sleep Study held at the Peninsula Health Sleep Laboratory & Clinic. He ticked the following boxes on the referral form: Diagnostic Study, Insomnia, Unrefreshing Sleep and Daytime Sleepiness when sedentary. As I paid $245 for the consultation today, I wanted to get something out of it and I guess I did but not what I expected. Perhaps that will give me more definitive answers and make me feel more satisfied than I felt after today. https://www.peninsulahealth.org.au/services/services-f-m/medical-services/respiratory-services/
Sometimes I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs: I’M TRYING SO FUCKING HARD. I WANT TO BE LOVED. I WANT TO BE HEARD. I WANT TO BE APPRECIATED. It’s tough being introverted and quiet all the time, not having many close friends to spend time with, being alone and by yourself a lot. But I’m learning to embrace this solidarity and be more comfortable with my own company. Even doing my own shopping and going out to lunch by myself are significant achievements for me as I often have a need for company. Social media is often a go to for me and at times it’s been an unhealthy distraction from my problems.
As I’m on the verge of turning 33 years old, my health issues have taken on a greater focus in my life. Now when I look at blood test results, I take them much more seriously. I’m really concerned about my iron levels which have dropped from 97 to 56 over the past three years. So I decided to try out Ferro Gradumet & Vitamin C tablets which is a one a day iron supplement. I hope that by increasing my iron levels that it will reduce my daytime fatigue and increase my energy levels during the day. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/medicines/brand/amt,53373011000036103/ferro-grad-c
The other thing I’m focusing my attention on is my total cholesterol levels which are currently at 5.7. It really needs to be closer to 4.0 to be considered desirable. So I’ve decided to try eating foods such as Cholesterol Lowering Weetbix and Flora Pro-active margarine with added plant sterols in order to hopefully drop that number to a more optimum level for my age range. The last thing I want to deal with is cardiovascular health issues when I get older. https://www.heartfoundation.org.au/healthy-eating/food-and-nutrition/fats-and-cholesterol/plant-sterols
On Friday night, I went to a HIIT + Circuit small group fitness training session with CinFull Fitness. Tonight we did a series of exercises for 3 rounds and 45 seconds each. The first circuit involved doing non-stop wall balls, 10 kettle bell swings and 10 kettle bell squats, non-stop battle ropes. The second circuit involved 10 skull-crushers and 10 chest presses, single arm dumbell rows on the bench, tricep dips, 10 ball slams and 10 shoulder presses.
It was a tough class, sweating a lot as per usual and trying hard to improve my technique with guidance from Cinamon Guerin. I recently weighed myself and got a reading of 93.6kg which is a good thing. I’m making slow progress towards my goal weight again. It’s honestly been a roller-coaster ride when it comes to my body weight and trying hard to maintain healthy lifestyle choices but I’m doing better than I was 5 years ago in that department.
On Sunday afternoon, I had my birthday lunch celebration held at Kelly’s Cranbourne. It didn’t register to me that it was St. Patrick’s Day until we walked into the bistro area and noticed the staff wearing green leprechaun hats. I really didn’t have huge expectations around today’s gathering. I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate things a lot more. And yet the ironic thing is that I feel younger than my biological age of 33. I personally believe that you’re only as old as you feel.
It was a very good thing that I booked the table in advance because it didn’t take very long for the bistro to get packed out. In terms of who came, there was Jen Angee, David Angee, Lucas Eldridge, Vanessa Bonica, Phil Anthony, Amy Amy plus my parents Angela Dixon and Rod James. It’s often difficult getting people to attend my social gatherings but I’ve learned that this is out of my control and not personal. Plus March is a very busy month for a lot of people. Just having a handful of people was enough for me today.
While the main meals at Kelly’s are typically very pricey, I do believe that they are worth it for how much food you end up getting on the plate. I ordered a Seafood Plate for $32.90 consisting of grilled fish, calamari, prawns, scallops, muscles, chips and salad and honestly struggled to get through it. The atmosphere was very relaxed and easy going. That’s the main thing I wanted was for everyone to get along and have a nice time.
“And we’re all alone. And so tired of being underrated. So don’t take me home ’cause I feel alive when you come and save me…I want to be someone. If you take me away, all the pain will change into a memory, of when we were amazing.” Darren Hayes – Casey (2007)
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