On Monday afternoon, I attended a Mindfulness & Meditation session in Hampton Park. I was feeling really rundown all day, mostly a dry mouth, dehydration, nasal congestion and light headedness. Somehow I pushed myself to go anyway because I needed to get myself out of the house for a couple of hours (I’m the worst patient when it comes to being sick, just saying :P). Tonight’s mindfulness meditation exercises included:

  • A Healing Mantra…This was a two way meditation in which we firstly directed the mantra (May I be happy and free from suffering) towards ourselves and then repeating it silently for each person in the room, changing the word “I” to “you”.
  • Sending and Receiving Compassion…Similar to the first one except there’s more focus on the breath. On the inhalation, you give compassion to yourself. On the exhalation, you send compassion to others. It can be specific people in your life or just humans in general.
  • Body Scan…This meditation is always a good one for releasing tension from each part of the body. Give thanks and gratitude to your body for all of the functions it needs to perform in order to keep you alive.

On Thursday night, I attended my multiplayer fitness training session at Tri Force Training in Narre Warren. I had a lot of reservation about going tonight seeing as I skipped Tuesday night’s session due to illness. I felt like the daggers were out for me as everyone expected me to be there and I let everyone down. I feel hurt and upset like nobody understands me or cares about how I’m feeling inside.

Perhaps I was overthinking it but sometimes I feel like the outsider, the odd one out. I don’t feel a part of the team at all. I’ve just been focusing on my own fitness journey to overcome these negative thoughts. Just like the movie Frozen, I’m going to let it go and just worry about getting myself through this workout. If I fall, I’ll get back up. If I fuck it up, I’ll keep trying. I’m not giving up.

Tonight I was joined by Jazz Hayward, Caitlin Lonski, Jessica Mesa, Michael Anderson, Bonnie Bradley and Kris Vega. Unlike what I just wrote above, I actually DID feel apart of the team and it didn’t feel like anyone had a problem with me. It was such a huge relief for me because I’ve been consumed by worry for the past two days. I have to remind myself why I keep coming back. It’s not to please anyone else…I’m doing this for me!

WISDOM…We played a game of bowling for our warm up exercise tonight. In two teams of four players, one person had to hold themselves in an elevated plank position whilst the other  three takes it in turns to bowl a medicine ball underneath them. When they do, they slide the PVC pipe along and move up the length of the pipe. This continues until all four players have reached the other side.

POWER…This was my first time doing a “farmer’s carry” which is essentially holding two steel frames loaded with weights in a deadlift position and walking 30m. More and more weight was gradually added until we reached our limit. I managed to do 80kg which was a big achievement for me considering my palms were getting sweaty and it was tough maintaining my posture. It felt good having the others cheering me on. I didn’t think I was going to make it.

COURAGE…Our final workout was a circuit consisting of two rounds of the following exercises: burpees, bear crawls, b-ropes, lunges, butterfly situps, push ups, squats, ring rows and sprint/jogging 30m. It was pretty intense as I was working up my usual sweat and fatigue especially when I got to the second round but that’s only ever a good thing. It means I’m working my body hard.

On Friday morning, I went to my Vinyasa flow yoga class at Just Be Yoga and Meditation in Beaconsfield. Today’s focus was on grounding and centering poses. Yoga instructor Dell Brown talked about the base or root chakra, which is located at the base of the spine. This particular chakra represents safety and security as well as how we connect to the Earth.

We did several poses which helped to release tension from the hips and groin area. By bending one knee into the chest and leaving the other leg straight on the mat, you gradually twist the knee towards the opposite side of the body. This promotes external rotation in the hip sockets. A deep squat also helps to release tension from the hips as well as maintaining your balance, using the elbows to deepen the stretch further by pushing into the knees.

We also did a couple of flowing sequences, mainly focusing on standing poses. From mountain pose, raise your hands up over the head and into prayer position, then into folding forward bend and a half lift. Next place the right foot back on a 45 degree angle and bend your left knee, raising both arms up into warrior 2.

Straighten the bent leg and extend the arms vertically into triangle pose. Then place both hands to the front of the mat and push back into downward facing dog pose, lean forwards into plank pose, then lower down into chaturanga and finally into upward facing dog pose. From here, push back into downward facing dog pose and walk your hands back to your feet to forward fold then back to the front of the mat returning to mountain pose.

On Friday afternoon, I did an oil pastel drawing of my pink cyclamen. My bold, graphic art style has made a reappearance with each leaf and petal becoming an abstract shape with a blending of several colours and a sharp, black outline. It’s very different to my usual style of artwork but I’m enjoying the experimentation that I’m doing at the moment.

“All the panic, depression, the hurt and regret. Lying to myself, I don’t think of death. All the ups, all the downs, all the petty concerns. My whole world’s imploding, I can’t find the words. ‘Cause the truth is…I’m fucked up.” The Amity Affliction – All Fucked Up (2016)

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