In Kelly’s theory, a way of perceiving, construing or interpreting events.
Roger’s concept of the existence of a discrepancy or conflict between the perceived self and experience.
You would think having 1784 friends on Facebook would bring some sort of comfort but for me it does the exact opposite. The number is extremely superficial and yet I seem to want to form new friendships at an exponential rate. In the past, I have struggled endlessly trying to keep hold of and maintain the limited friendship groups I was a part of. I just couldn’t fit in at all, no matter how hard I tried. And sadly despite the fact that I’ve made many friends thanks to my contributions and involvement in the local music scene, I still feel the same way. I can never seem to pigeon-hole myself into any specific category when it comes to my interests, personality and what I’m doing with my life. Being on the same wavelength with another friend is something I’ve never seemed to be able to accomplish. Perhaps it’s due to my tendency to be independent and self-sustaining, literally being in my own little world most of the time.
Today during my Scientific Practice and Communication workshop, we had the painfully grueling task of having to pair up with people and do a round of “speed dating” for our literature review topics (yes it’s as cringeworthy as it sounds!). I was literally counting down the seconds on the timer, wanting this pointless exercise to end. Of course I got myself all flustered, ran out of questions to ask, ran out of things to talk about for my topic and generally didn’t want to be there. I did somewhat connect with Tori, who is incidentally doing the same topic as me, that is the Middle East Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus but again I just felt socially awkward.
Speaking of socially awkward, this seemed to continue when I walked up to the front of the venue. I noticed a few people I recognised like Aaron, Tom and Andy but they seemed to preoccupied with their conversations. Sometimes I still struggle with breaking the ice and making the first move when I don’t even know what to talk about. I suddenly descended into a downward spiral of jealousy and isolation despite a handful of my friends saying hi to me. I honestly don’t know why I felt so left out and disconnected from everyone. Perhaps it was due to not being able to recognise many people. I started to overanalyse what was wrong with me and even questioned my purpose in the local scene. Thankfully things swiftly turned around after In Hearts Wake’s set and more of my friends began to arrive. The music was certainly generating positive vibes and the timing was perfect. I seemed to snap out of my negative state of mind and began mingling a little. I honestly didn’t want a repeat of last time because life’s too damn short to be depressed and miserable.
OCEAN GROVE…These guys have recently been touring around New Zealand with Advocates and they’ve only just got back for this opening support slot. Musically the boys were on point, really tight stage presence and it was good to see Matt doing some vocal contributions alongside Luke for a couple of songs. The crowd movement was relatively lackluster but it did pick up the pace during Soulfeeder and Enigma with a few people throwing down. The fact that the venue wasn’t even half full at this point could have been a factor but sometimes the crowd can be quite tough also. Who knows? Not every set can go off sadly but I still thought they played really well tonight.
HELLIONS (NSW)…This Sydney based hardcore punk band were certainly pretty tight tonight. I’ve only seen them play a handful of times but they always seem to bring the energy and get the crowd involved. Vocalist Dre did an awesome job of getting amongst the crowd during most of the songs and having them grab the mic and scream the lyrics back in his face.
BURY TOMORROW (UK)…As vocalist Daniel informed us, they’re all about the circle pits and they were a shitload of them tonight. He certainly gets a lot of credit from me in terms of motivating the crowd, he made every attempt possible and for the most part it worked. You’re always going to have people being as stubborn as a mule, refusing to move with their arms crossed but that’s just the way it is. This was their first time playing in Australia and they certainly did not disappoint delivering explosive metalcore rhythms and deep screams.
IN HEARTS WAKE (NSW)…The last time I saw these guys play was at Arrow on Swanston a few months back to promote their new album Earthwalker. This set was much the same as then but I still loved and enjoyed every minute of it. Vocalist Jake is always so humble and gracious with his fans and it really showed tonight. The call and response of the lyrics was really well handled and a lot of people were moshing up at the front of the stage and getting into it. This band always seems to make me smile inside and for good reason.
THE GHOST INSIDE (USA)…I remember seeing this band play a couple of years back when they were put on as supports for the Amity Affliction tour. Vocalist Virgil was beaming the whole time and who could blame him? So many passionate TGI fans were hear tonight, screaming the lyrics, throwing down, crowd surfing and stage diving. Speaking of, the security guards were laughable to say the least, going into Fun Police mode and trying desperately hard to lecture the kids being “dangerous”. I’m all for safety but that was ridiculous. Nobody was getting hurt from the stage dives so fuck off! This band is really inspirational, touching on some important issues such as gay marriage and belief acceptance as well as dealing with personal tragedies and the hardships that life throws at us. I’m really glad I got the chance to see this band again, they are truly phenomenal.
I KILLED THE PROM QUEEN…So it’s been a while since I saw these guys play, 9 months in fact. They headlined both BANG! and OLP! to promote their new album Beloved. It’s hard to believe despite many lineup changes, a break up and a hiatus, this band is still going strong 14 years later. I’ll admit right off the bat that it took me a while to adjust to current vocalist Jamie’s vocal style but after tonight it has grown on me immensely. He fits the band really well and I could tell he was very appreciative of all the bands on the tour and the fans supporting them. It was a shame to see the crowd diminish slightly after TGI wrapped up but alas it was still decent. However it was awesome to see the band play quite a few older songs instead of just focusing purely on new material. A lot of people threw down in the pit and the energy was electrifying and palpable. A great note to end on.
I want to dedicate this blog to my friend Brenton Murphy who I love hanging with at shows. He’s a huge fan of both TGI and IKTPQ which was really evident from his involvement tonight. I know that I don’t always have a lot to say but you’re a great person to have around. Much love brother! Thank you to Fresh Entertainment for organising the event and all the crew for keeping the show running smoothly. For once, there wasn’t as many technical issues which is pretty refreshing so good work guys. And thank you to all my friends for saying hi and being awesome tonight. Sorry I was so moody and out of it at times.
I want to end this blog with some lyrics from the song The Middle by Jimmy Eat World which came on in between the bands tonight when I was at my lowest point. I remember an old friend of mine Bobby telling me about it as a way to pick me up and it certainly does the trick every time.
Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away.
It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).